Men are Finding New Ways to Mentor Younger Generations with the Help of Social Media

Imagine you’re a twenty-something year-old guy about to have sex with his long-term girlfriend, something the two of you have done a number of times before, only this time you can’t seem to get an erection.  You make some excuse, you're just too tired or drunk or whatever, and she’s kind-enough about the whole ordeal, but secretly: you’re mortified.  Assuming you missed my article on psychologically induced erectile dysfunction, where might you turn for advice? 

Some of us might talk to our dads – but quite a few of us may not have relationships with our fathers that would humor such a frank conversation; others might not have a father in our lives at all.  We might also just be too embarrassed.  You could ask your buddies – but they might just tease you.  Besides they’re roughly the same age as you, what more would they know anyway?  A coach or teacher, even a male one, might call the conversation too personal or too inappropriate to have with them.

Many guys are at a loss these days when it comes to asking for advice and seeking guidance, not just about sex but regarding many tough issues about what it means to be and become a man today.  Whether trying to figure out how to come-out to your parents, ask a girl on a date, fend off a bully, tie a necktie, get in shape, or ace an interview, at some point in a man’s life he will, or will want to at least, seek direction from those who've seen and done it before. 

Indeed, a primary contributor to the many of the problems young men face today is a lack of direction during their coming-of-age years and into adulthood. For a variety of social and cultural factors, many would-be mentors  are less willing or less able to form the requisite relationships with younger men and boys to offer such direction.  The reasons behind this cultural shift are many, such as: changes in family demographics that often leave fathers out of touch with their children; the high rate at which men are imprisoned in this country, especially within some marginalized communities; and misplaced social suspicion about men’s interactions with young people that make men wary of initiating or maintaining mentor relationships. 

Given these obstacles, many young men are left to haphazardly stumble from boyhood into manhood with only their adolescent instincts to guide them.  The results of this social experiment have been troubling to say the least.  In the past twenty years, the proportion of men attending college has fallen significantly.  Meanwhile, male rates for substance use, suicide, and violence (including school shooting and mass killings) continue to rise to alarming levels.

However, some young men are finding new ways to reach out to each other and older generations that get around some of the aforementioned barriers.   For instance, among the thousands of “subreddits” on the popular social media website reddit.com are a few that bring users in contact with one another in supportive and encouraging ways.  Some of my personal favorites include r/Daddit, r/AskDad, r/AskMen, r/AskMenOver30, r/AskWomen, r/fitness, r/malefashionadvice, r/sex, r/AskGayBros, r/explainlikeimfive, r/OneY, r/malegrooming, r/Finance.

These communities weren't necessarily designed with mentorship in mind, but browsing through the threads of these subreddits one will find countless instances of (primarily) young men airing their questions, worries, insecurities, and requesting advice about various dilemmas in their lives.  Absent the scrutiny that can accompany "real world" interactions, these guys have found a place where they can speak openly about concerns that are embarrassing, taboo, or "inappropriate" elsewhere.  The vast majority of these posts are met with genuine support and the best advice the internet can muster – with a bit of wit and irony folded in for flavor of course (this is still the Internet after all).   

One of the reason’s I’ve noted Reddit in particular is because its users are overwhelmingly young and male.  Though, it certainly isn’t the only place on the Internet where these kinds of mentorships are forming.  From Facebook groups, to gamer forums, to YouTube, young men are connecting with each other, older generations, and “gurus” to ask questions and seek guidance on things they may have had a hard time talking about offline.

Of course, the interactions and responses aren’t always perfect, but neither are the face-to-face ones -- nor must they be.  From this psychologist’s perspective, what is most important are the personal connections being made.  Because, beyond advice, what mentors offer young men is the sense that they aren’t alone in their experiences, that someone else has gone through it and has lived to laugh about it.  And while “real life” mentorships are indispensable, it is heartening to see that a number of guys are finding innovative ways to connect with and support one another.