My Interview with America Magazine: The Evolution of Catholic Masculinity: 15 Questions for Dr. Aqualus Gordon

Find the interview here: http://americamagazine.org/content/all-things/evolution-catholic-masculinity-15-questions-dr-aqualus-gordon 

Reconnecting with our Young Men -or- How to Prevent School Shootings

Forget gun control, video game restrictions, and even after-the-fact mental health treatment.  The real way to prevent school shootings, as well as a host of other violent acts in the U.S. is to re-engage and reconnect with boys and young men in this country. 

Has anyone noticed that most of the recent school shootings and mass killings have been committed by young white guys?  If the string of shooting in American schools had been perpetrated so consistently by any other racial, religious, etc identity group, the public conversation about “what to do” about these continued acts of extraordinary violence might be much shifted.  But when it comes to school shooting, the media, politicians, and the public seem to have all-but ignored and even denied the fact that the overwhelming majority of recent school shootings have been committed by young white men. 

Now, don’t get me wrong.  The purpose of this article isn’t to point fingers.  But we do need to take an intelligent look at where the violence is being perpetrated, and by whom, in order to address the true causes of this heartbreaking issue.  We are not doing this group of boys and young men any favors by ignoring who they are.

The current hot topics around school shootings are too little-too late, and they do not address the root of the problem.  Sure, stricter gun laws might make it more difficult for a would-be school shooter to arm himself, and more accessible mental health treatment could aid in identifying some of the boys and men who may be at risk for committing such acts.  But the prevalence of guns and gun owners in this country means that any future gun legislation would have a negligible impact on the current crisis.  And while better access to mental health treatment is much needed in this country in general, most psychologist will tell you (this one included) that it is nearly impossible to determine with any certainty if a particular individual is truly planning to carry out violence against others.  In fact, those that are legitimately planning to carry out violence will do their best to avoid speaking with a therapist or counselor.  What are needed, are ways to prevent our boys and young men from feeling the need to commit such terrible violence in the first place.

We have an epidemic on our hands.  And like a biological epidemic, the most useful course of action isn’t just to treat the current problem, but also to understand the nature of the disease in order to prevent it from recurring.  

So here is what we know:  Nearly every school shooting since the 1999 massacre at Columbine High School, has been committed by a white male in his late-teens to mid-twenties.  The majority of these young men are described as having few friends, having few romantic prospects, no positive mentors or role-models, and were otherwise isolated.  In most cases, the shooter’s feelings of isolation and loneliness seem to have been directly related to his reasons (flawed as they may be) for carrying out such devastating acts:

 “All I wanted was respect.... No one respected me.”  - Alvaro Castillo, Orange High School

“I hate you people for leaving me out of so many fun things.”  - Eric Harris, Columbine High School

About this dynamic, Peter Langman, a psychologist who studies mass shootings noted that "These kids often feel very powerless. The one way they can feel like they're somebody, that they're a man, is to get a gun and kill people."  In other words, these are boys who had not been taught appropriate ways of gaining respect, dealing with conflict, and feeling empowered.

In some cases, the shooters had been previously diagnosed with serious mental illness; though, not all of them had been.  But keep in mind, low self-esteem, social isolation, mockery, teasing, and bullying have been shown to cause psychological distress and disorders, such as depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, homicidal thoughts, and even psychosis.  This means that these issues are not only treatable; they are also preventable.  

In the past, many children could at least count on having a devoted set of parents and extended family to rely on.  However, today broken homes are all too common.  In most cases this means an absent father or any supportive adult male figure in a kid's life, a situation that research suggests has a greater negative impact on boys. 

Men who grew up in fatherless households are at a much higher risk for negative outcomes, such as low self-esteem, mood disorders, dropping out of school, drug & alcohol abuse, homelessness, and incarceration.  What’s more, mentoring relationships between younger and older men have also been on the decline.  So many boys and young men today are at a loss when navigating the trek between boyhood and manhood.  They are unsure of themselves, their emotions, and the cornucopia of urges & impulses that come along with developing into a man.  And they fumble through this confusing time with the shortsightedness of adolescence.  No one having ever told them what to do when they get angry, or when they’re rejected by a crush, when everyone ignores them, or when a bully just won’t let up.  So they are left to figure it out for themselves, which, as we continue to see, can lead to disastrous results.  

We must acknowledge the connection between boys who are growing up without positive peer and mentor relationships in their lives and the increase in mass killings in this country.  Doing so makes it apparent that supportive relationships and social connectedness are paramount to helping our nation’s young men achieve and maintain psychological fitness.  A psychologically fit young man will be less likely to be overwhelmed by his day-to-day life, and will cope with life’s frustrations in more appropriate ways. Even those individuals with long-standing and/or severe mental illnesses benefit psychologically and behaviorally from having these types of positive relationships in their lives.  If we can find ways to restore our young men’s sense of being supported by- and connected to others, we can begin to rein in their need to act out in such tragic ways.

It may sound too simple, but supportive social connections are fundamental to psychological health.  Frank Robertz, a criminologist and social scientist at the Institute for Violence Prevention and Applied Criminology wrote:

Strong relationships with peers, teachers and other adults provide an even more effective shield against destructive fantasies. Criminologists have known for decades that building and maintaining relationships with socially accepted people is the best way to prevent violence. When a youth establishes ties to people he cares about, he is apt to feel that he has too much at stake to act out his brutal dreams.

Unfortunately, opportunities for children and adolescents to form and foster these types of positive connections are diminishing.  For instance, many schools have been forced to cut programs that encourage students to connect and interact with teachers/adults and peers outside of the classroom.  Some schools have even reduced lunch times to as little as fifteen minutes, in addition to reducing or altogether cutting things like P.E., sports, afterschool programs, and fine arts.  As well, the current culture of our education system discourages positive personal connections between students and teachers/coaches, who have historically served as adult mentors and role-models.  Schools would do well to encourage the implementation of programs and activities that connect students with peers and mentors in more personal and supportive ways.  This might include growing or reinstituting extracurricular activities for students, or bringing in experiential programs like Challenge Day that seek to build compassionate connections within school communities. 

Boys and young men have also been adversely affected by other social and cultural changes that have neglected them, seemingly believing that they are “doing just fine” or “tough enough” to handle it.  These changes have left them to fend for themselves, and we are witnessing the results – a real life Lord of the Flies.

What will reduce violence perpetrated by these young men is to help them feel supported, understood, and good about themselves through a revitalization of programs and opportunities aimed specifically at helping our boys grow into good men.  Some examples of these types of programs already exist, such as The Boys to Men Mentoring Program and Steve Harvey’s Mentoring Program for Young Men.  Many of these programs for young men are targeted at inner city and minority youth -- communities that have been aware of the need to redirect their young men away from gun violence for some time now.  But as is now abundantly clear, this type of violence is not exclusive to the inner city or minority youth.  In fact, the recent rash of mass shootings has happened almost exclusively outside of urban areas. 

If we really want to get serious about curbing mass shootings, we have to address the root cause of the problem: that an entire generation of young men have been left to their own devices about growing up in a society that may only regard them as privileged, and in doing so has neglected to attend to their basic human need for guidance, connection, and support.

A few months back, I wrote an article about a school shooting that didn’t happen because of a momentary act of support and compassion that reached the heart of a young man, who walked into an elementary school intending to commit violence. 

Yesterday, Antoinette Tuff showed a young man this type of genuine compassion, even while he was in the midst of pursuing terrible acts.  And having gotten the one, true thing that caused him to show up to that school in the first place – acknowledgement, love, and compassion from another person – Michael put down his gun and turned himself in.

There is something important to be learned here – if an act of compassion could stop this shooter even after he’d decided to lash out.  Imagine how much violence can be prevented if we reach out to our young men well before they feel the need to turn to such catastrophic means of gaining our attention.

Pia Glenn on Richard Sherman: "A Black Weekend Update Special Report!" (Video)

YouTube's Pia Glenn offers some hilarious straight talk about racist reactions to Richard Sherman's interview. 

Black Men w/ Beards: A Philadelphia Trend Reflecting Religion & Regional Style (video)

Philadelphia is known as "the city of brotherly love" and these brothas' love their beards. The beard has a special significance in Philadelphia culture and it is unlike any other city in America. In Philadelphia the beard is an expression of individuality, religious observance and civic pride. "That's what God gave us, hair on the face," said Leroy Robinson Jr., a barber at New Identity Barbershop who has been cutting heads and beards in Philadelphia for 33 years. Each man possesses the capability to grow a beard, and for each man, there is a reason motivating his choice to grow or to shave, to groom, trim or leave alone. The Sunni Beard is the story of one such beard, which is worn by many of Philadelphia's Muslim converts, and is a prominent feature of chins, cheeks, and jowls throughout town.

From PhillyBeard.com